falling apart - soukoku two-shot
by darkchocolate1212
Summary: how do dazai and chuuya deal with separation after dazai leaves the port mafia? on wattpad (guns for hands bungou stray dogs drabbles by @Darkchocolate1212)
1. nakahara chuuya (1)

_this is gospel for the fallen ones_

you could call nakahara chuuya a "fallen one". he had no partner, he was alone.

he would never be complete again, he could never stand up tall again. (but chuuya's short anyways...)

 _locked away in permanent slumber_

chuuya wanted to stay in his cramped little apartment and never come out. unless it was to kill dazai, of course.

why did chuuya want to kill him so much? well, for starters, dazai left him alone. he was alone in the port mafia, only half of the famous double black. only half of soukoku.

he had no reason to live, but he didn't want to die. he could just stay locked up forever.

 _assembling their philosophies / from pieces of broken memories_

dazai osamu, chuuya's partner was gone, and all he had left were memories and a car that had been blown up into nothingness.

memories that could never turn into reality again.

 _oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart_

snapping out of his thoughts, chuuya stood up and decided to go for a walk. somehow getting lost in his thoughts again, all he could think of was dazai.

this time, he walked into a tree, and fell backwards. sitting on the grass shocked, all he could think of was dazai (again), and how the colour of the tree's bark was the same as his partner's hair.

standing up (again), he decided not to get lost in his thoughts again. he just focused on the sound of his own heart beating.

 _their gnashing teeth and criminal tongues conspire against the odds / but they haven't seen the best of us yet_

if dazai was still here, he would probably be thinking of insults.

chuuya thought that running away from the port mafia as fast as a person could run away from their problems, but it would probably get him killed. also, it would make him as stupid, or maybe even stupider than dazai. the port mafia could easily track him down and he would be tortured and killed.

at least three bullets and a kick to the face. chuuya would know, he and dazai delivered the punishment during the first few weeks when they joined the mafia.

 _if you love me let me go_

chuuya knew he had to let dazai go.

after all, what the short(-tempered) red-head felt for dazai could be called love. the never-ending thoughts could be called love.

and people said to let the ones you love go.

but chuuya couldn't. it was painful, and he didn't want to. but, he had to.

 _'cause these words are knives and often leave scars_

walking back to his apartment, chuuya closed the door and starting pacing on his ceiling.

he knew he shouldn't re-visit the past, and look forward to the future. a future, in which he could punch and kick the shit out of the bandage freak.

he would throw insults and knives, hoping both of them would have the same effect on the idiot known as dazai osamu.

after all, coming from dazai, both hurt the same, and both left deep, painful scars.

 _the fear of falling apart_

chuuya didn't know how long it would be until he saw dazai again. when he did, he could punch and kick the shit out of him, but until then, he might emotionally lose control and fall apart.

he had to make sure that didn't happen, because if it did, chuuya would probably awaken corruption and destroy all of japan. that would definitely get him in trouble with the boss, and probably get him labeled a traitor. then, he would probably be killed.

that got chuuya thinking, what if he was on a mission for the mafia, and during the mission, he fell apart? what if he let corruption loose, thinking about dazai and only dazai?

losing his concentration, chuuya fell off of the ceiling and landed sitting on his bed. he shouldn't be worrying about falling apart emotionally when it could happen physically as well.

 _and truth be told, I never was yours_

sighing, chuuya lied down on his bed, asking himself why he was so in love with dazai. he wasn't chuuya's to begin with anyways.

 _the fear, the fear of falling apart_

nakahara chuuya was scared of falling apart.


	2. dazai osamu (2)

_this is gospel for the vagabonds_

for years, dazai osamu was a vagabond. wandering around with nowhere to go, having left the port mafia.

eventually, he joined the armed detective agency, but it wasn't going to be like the port mafia.

after all, there was no nakahara chuuya.

 _ne'er-do-wells, insufferable bastards_

dazai and chuuya always called each other bastards.

dazai missed chuuya, and everything about him. he missed the small fights where they would throw insults at each other, he missed the time when they were soukoku and were feared all over yokohama and he missed insulting chuuya's height and fashion sense.

over time, dazai fell in love, and he was sure that chuuya did as well. they were just bastards in love.

 _confessing their apostasies / led away by imperfect impostors_

there had been a time when dazai thought that he could find a replacement for chuuya. after joining the detective agency, he received kunikda doppo as a partner and he tried to replace chuuya.

he insulted him regularly, from stealing his book of ideals to just plain teasing, but soon he learned that he wasn't chuuya. kunikida's only insult for him was 'idiot', and he would never try to beat up dazai. of course he wouldn't, as the armed detective agency was much more civilized compared to the port mafia.

dazai eventually stopped trying. he wasn't perfect enough to be one of chuuya's imposters.

 _oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart_

at the armed detective agency, they were much nicer to new members. when he first joined, the boss had taught him methods to calm himself down.

one was t _o_ focus on the beat of your heart, as the steady rhythm may calm you down.

it didn't work with dazai, as the only sound being omitted from his heart was a voice screaming 'chuuya'.

 _don't try to sleep through the end of the world_

maybe dazai could one day go back to chuuya. he really didn't have a reason to live. sometimes, dazai envied love craft, and how he could just sleep forever.

oh how nice it would be to do nothing again.

 _bury me alive_

finding his 'complete guide to suicide', he flipped to his bookmarked page.

'reasons you might want to suicide. people often suicide after losing a loved one.'

dazai had lost chuuya.

sighing and flipping to the next chapter, it read 'weird ways to suicide'.

reading the first one, it said: 'dig a hole and bury yourself. you will eventually suffocate from loss of oxygen, and it may feel like drowning. this way, people may be amused when they find you in a hole, dead. they also won't have to dig a new grave.'

that sounded nice to dazai, but digging a hole was just too much work.

'cause I won't give up without a fight / if you love me let me go

dazai lied down on his bed, lost in thought. his book was desire him, open to 'suicide by burying oneself alive'.

he wondered what would happen if he had told chuuya he was leaving on the night that he left.

would he have tried to convince dazai to stay? probably, as dazai had predicted that chuuya loved him. and dazai's predictions were always accurate.

but maybe chuuya would of just called him a 'waste of bandages' and let him go.

after all, somebody said to let the ones you love go. so, chuuya just might have let dazai go.

 _'cause words are knives and often leave scars / the fear of falling apart_

dazai wasn't afraid of falling. after all, falling was a common way to suicide. hell, dazai had even taken a few falls himself, but (sadly), he was still alive after all of them.

now, falling apart was different.

falling apart was when your emotions came through and your body broke down in weakness. emotion would take over, causing somebody to cry and break down.

at the port mafia, letting your emotions take over was the last thing you wanted to do. chuuya and dazai learned that the hard way.

and dazai was scared of falling apart.

 _and truth be told i was never yours_

putting his bookmark back in his book, dazai put it to the side. he turned his lamp off and rolled over, closing his eyes and trying to sleep.

instead, he pondered of (something great) chuuya. self-doubt taking over, he doubted his earlier prediction of chuuya actually loving him.

after all, chuuya never said anything about love to dazai.

dazai honestly doubted if chuuya even loved him.

 _the fear, the fear of falling apart_

dazai sighed, wanting to drift off into the world of sleep. he wanted the demons in his head to make dreams to fill his mind.

before drifting off into the world of dreams and nightmares, dazai had one last thought.

he, dazai osamu was afraid of falling apart.


End file.
